Mrs Temple's Cheesy Trio

Here I are once again, primates of the interweb!

Today I bring you gifts of three, a trilogy in cheese. I went to the Cromer, what are a seaside town on the North Norfolk coast. It rained. I bought cheese.

Mrs Temple's Alpine Cheese
Well, here the first one are. An alpine style non-pasteurised cheese with an unusual rind, bespackled with brown and darker blooms. Fetching, it be. The cheese are made from the milk of Mrs Temple's herd of brown Swiss cows. Swiss brown milk. It are proper Norfolk, except the bit what is Swiss.

LOOK
Pale gold, with a slight sheen at room temperature, without its rind this particular cow-squeezing could be a soupymarket cheddar, of the looking at it.

Mrs Temple's Alpine Cheese in some kind of cheese hutch

TASTE
There are a mellow, cheddary tang at first; enough that I was prepped for disappointment, fearing another middle-of-the-road clone of the Lord Mayor of British cheese. Very quick like, the taste bends into an applewood type smoke, a touch dirty like you can really taste the woodfire. 

It are not a bland, overbonked smoke flavour like what they force into them 'orrible "Austrian" smoked-cheese condom packets they sell in the big shops. It sits into the other cheesy flavours quite nice. There's not much in the nuttiness of expectation, and it don't resemble so close the alpine cheeses what I have ate before. But it ARE nice, cheesy, and good. There's a punchy fruityness that sings under the lingering smoke. Do you try it if you get a chance.

EATS
Do this 'un with oatcakes. They make a nice shelf for that smoky, tangy sweetness to perch on, without hiding none of that flavour. I also reckons this would go lovely in a salad, cubed, or grated on certain products. So long as the smoke don't worry youse, it'll be flexibubble enough to experiment with.

The best film to watch while you gorge on this Swiss-inspired cow fudge, are Shenandoah, the civil-war film starring James Stewart. Don't ask me why, I ain't got a clue. It just are right. I feels it in me bones.

"I don't give a damn about your war, as long as it stays away from my goddamn cheese!"

Mrs Temple's Norfolk Dapple
The cheese of Norfolk! The most Norfolkest of bovine-extracted dairy lump! At last, I have ate of the Dapple, and the Dapple have been ate by me. Mrs Temple knocks this one out of her cattle-filled park with this traditional recipe.

LOOK
This cheese are a darker gold than the Alpine, with a tight, slightly bouncy touch to it. It come in a good chunky wheel or wedge, and I reckon getting more is better than less with this beauty.

TASTE 
I were told to expect cheddaryness. I reckon this are true in the way that we is supposed to expect chickenyness of any meat what we have not et yet. Cheddar are the anchor from which young cheese-hounds make their questing gestures into lactose-drenched enlightenment.

It were not cheddar that assailed my willing tongue with flavour. It are there a bit, I suppose, but my overwhelming feeling are that this cheese are more like Edam than Cheddar. Maybe it are something to do with Norfolk's historic links to the Low Countries. Anyway, the texture in my mouth were very Edam, perhaps a teensy bit looser, and the mellow flavour was there, though it deepens then, beyond the reach of all Edam I have ate. There's a nuttiness holding the light tang together, sweetening it through into mellow after-flave. I are convinced that there be a rightful king of Edamkind, and Norfolk Dapple are it.

Dapple!

 Nonetheless, interweblings, do not mistake me. The Dapple has it's own flavour, without needing comparison with other dairy labels. It be a joy to settle slices of the beauty on me tongue.

EATS
Fresh, multi-seeded white bread are your friend. This cheese would make a banging sandwich, or accompany cold cuts of meat and pears very good too. Wine (mellow red) and whisky (unpeated Scotch) would not go amiss alongside this blissful sample.

Listen you to the sounds of the Byrds, and please, not just "Mr Tambourine Man" though you might start there if you wish. Mid to late '60s rock groups just fit somehow, so explore outward from that point, by all means.

I chose to listen to Fifth Dimension (1966)

Do not watch Ben Stiller movies while eating this cheese. Or ever.


Gurney's Gold
Rather appropriately, this cheese done won a Gold Award. Well done cheese, well done.
Gurney's gold is made from the milk of both the Brown Swiss herd what Mrs Temple has, and her Holstein Friesians. It are a tip-of-the-hat to the oozy cheezes of Northern France.

LOOK
This cheese don't so much lounge as it do drape. It are very soft, not cream-cheese, yet without the stiffness of even a Brie. It wear a kind of skirt that are its rind, though the rind here are even more oozy than the cheese itself, and clings to the golden-yellow centre slab, a palest orange fringe. You could spread the rind bit as easy as margarine, though the cheese itself might resist a little.

This slice are straight out of the fridge, I reckon. Wait for it to sag into dairy comfort.

TASTE
This cheese have two flavour moves, really. The luiquidous rind are a sheer, top of the mouth, sharp tang that dissolves away quickly without delivering on the acid threat hinted at by its first taste.

The main body of the cheese are subtle, mellow-upon-mellow, like a creamy pillow-meadow. When eaten together the two flavour profiles build on each other in a clever balancing act of strengths. Peculiarly, the harder-punching taste of the wet rind is more fragile than the soft drubbing offered by the cheese, which roundly pushes on through the brief bitterness of its competitor, fading last.

It are a very different cheese to the normal hard, semi-hard and soft cheeses on offer. It's on the softer end of soft, but ain't no cream-cheese. It are both mild and strong, yet neither, yet both, yet also not confusing, yet mildly perplexing, yet straightforwardly paradoxical. And delicious too.

EATS
Do you treat this cheese right. Else I'll come and get you, beating you with the cursed milk-churner of Heidi herself. That's more goats, thinking about it. Never mind. The threat is made!

By which I mean you must not overwhelm this-un. A light, sparkling cordial to cleanse your palate is fine. A light, summery white wine with notes of grass and melon. No reds. No spirits. Wholegrain bread, if possible, warmed through but not toasted. No country music. Maybe a little Porcupine Tree.

Go on. Challenge the tastebuds...IN YOUR MIND!

You're probably safe with both Radio and BBC Four television. 
    

Until next time, my dearest dairy dumplings, my alliterative allies against the constraints of Babybel-fucking-Lunchable-Strings and "standard" grammar, fare thee well! Carry a knife (for cheese) and look to the horizon (in case there's a deli that way). Fear not, for tomorrow, there is hope! (of cheese)
    
  

God Bless You, Mrs Temple!

  
    

Comté

Quick blog of cheese for you now, weblings. I have ate Comté, a cheese that come with an accent. It are French, like the most successful Reblochon from last blog.

General Details (formerly Brigadier Details)

Comté is an unpasteurised cheese, what Americans would call dirty cheese. This attitude are why most Yank cheese is shitter than a barbed wire hammock.

It are made in the Franche-Comté region of France, though the one I ate professes to be from the Jura mountains, which are all foresty. The cheese were matured for fifteen months, to give all that filthy milk time to make the dairy miracle that supports the very foundations of our civilisation.

Comté is put through a non-Australian points based system to decide its identity. Really good Comté gets more than 15 points in totals and can be spaked Comté Extra, whereas very crap Comté is simply called Gruyère and are sold to peasants and the Dutch.

Observed in Natural Habitat

The Comté are a semi-hard, pale yellow cheese with a dusty-brown coloured rind. It are sold in discs, then cut into wedges for smaller budgets, suchlike mine. The smell are distinctly cheesy, though less tang, a low hum. Overall it are not very pungent, yet neither are it as bland and soulless as commercial burger "cheese".

The Munch 
  
In consistency, the Comté are much like Edam, perhaps a touch less bendy. It cuts in compact, slightly bouncy curves, with zero crumbling and not quite enough moists to stick to an upturned knife. In flavour, Comté are mostly describing as nutty and sweet, though it are in fact more complicated than this.

The nutty flavour is real. It is like halfway between a hazelnut and a brazilnut for I, with a slight aftertaste of dryness, sitting with the sweetness. This ain't sugar-sweet though, tis a subtle, restrained sweet, like nut-sweet. It are mainly sweet by virtue of not being tanged, like a mature cheddar, or piquant, like a blue cheese.

The taste are slightly dirty, in a good way, which is the depth of overlapping savoury and sweet notes, and the barest sense of dry smoke in the spaces of your munch-hole after the cheese are swallowed.

Generally pretty pleasant, I think this cheese are probably a good test of the palate of a cheese novice, prepping them for more robust tongue-spankers in the future. The taste are better than Gruyère, which I find is only good when melted, though Comté would melt well an' all.


Do With

Dried dark fruits and sweet, plain biscuits would go well. Poachers Choice, a dark ale by Badger, would suit also.

Aurally, I would pair this cheese with The Wave Pictures album City Forgiveness. For the watching, I recommend Kevin Spacey, in whatever role you most prefer.

Do not accompany this cheese with psychotropic or other mind-altering substances.

Reblochon - A Cheese What is French and Also Quite Nice

My last blog post were many moons ago, when we were all younger and wiser. Forgive me, weblings, I has been busy with real life and proper grammar - oh the wickedry of such constraints! But once again, after long months in the wilderness, like a cheese loving Jesus, I has returned.

Firstly, another apology. For I has let you down, internotional folk of the great information superhighwave, I has Clegged on my promise to you.

I did say that I would review more of the budget cheese what I got from ASDA. Alas, Alack and Alan, I did not. I did not eat more of it neither. I eschewed that what I might otherwise have spewed. I turned my dairy-lovin' back on the god-forsaken cow-muck.


Nevermind! I killed that series of blog posts In Utero, as if it are wiped from existence with vast quantities of Bleach. Tis gone forever. Instead HAVE THIS UP YOUR MODEM.

Reblochon-ehon-ehon-ehon
I has consulted with lawyers and confirmed that the above are not racist.

Reblochon are a creamy cheese from the Aravis range in alpine France, that bit where France starts to give Italy a conjugal rub, with Switzerland watching like the filthy, neutral, gold-harbouring utopia it are. Additionally, Reblochon is unpasteurised, which be often the mark of a speciality cheese.

Aravis range in France

For the looks it of
My one of Reblochon came from Tesco, an item from that failing behemoth's finest* range. There's no pot of gold at the end of that there asterisk, by the way, it are just how Tesco brand their posher nosh. Weirdos.

My packet was a half-wheel of a bit heftier than 200 grams, with a washed rind of palest gold. The internals of the cheese are very similar to Brie; pale creamy colour, not quite as tight looking but very similar.


LICKED, NIBBLED AND MASTICATED
To the taste, Reblochon strike me at first like Brie, probs cos of the looks. Being struck by Brie is humiliating but pretty gentle, a soft assurance that it are easey-peasey stuff what even a lactose intolerant serval could find delicious.

This are apparently what comes up when you google lactose intolerant serval

On the other hand, Reblochon has a slightly bigger fist, though it fists you not all that much harder than Brie. Here, use your imagines to think of a taste somewhere between a decent Cheddar and Brie. You sees, there are more tang and oomphh thanks to the richness of them not having put the pasteur in it, but the overwhelming flavour are not overwhelming, dissolving off into creamy ecstasy like a soluble goth in a nineties rave.

In conclusion about flavour it are very approachable and I recommend that you approach it as fast as you can.

As with all cheese and especially creamy near-soft cheese, let it warm through in room temperature for a while before you gorge.


SUPPORT ACTS FOR CHEESE
Definitely has your wine with it. A dry red from France with a lush finish, not tannin much, like the Bordeaux Supérieur from Lidl is a good pick. It's a banging good bottle for under six of your British fucking pounds, and wouldn't overspeak this cheese.

I reckon this are pretty flexy. I had some with some wholemeal pitta bread, toasty warm, topped with coriander and lemon infused hummus, because I are a middle-class cliché Waitrose type poster child OH GOD WHY WHAT HAPPENED I LOVE MARX I SWEAR DON'T LEAVE ME BECAUSE I LIKE NICE THINGS and that combination was really pleasant.

Musically, I go off-beat though not literally, when having some of the Reblochon. Duke Special goes nicely with it in a rambly, sweet and punchy kind of way. ALWAYS consume cheese to music. It are good for your soul and better than yoga.


OTHER BUSINESS
SIT DOWN! We are not finished yet, and your numbers is down, Clive, you should be the last one leaving early, you skiving buttock.

Anyway. Did you brain that eating lots and lots of cheese is how you basically live forever? A new Danish study out of Aarhus seems to suggest a less exaggerating version of this. Here's a link as proof (of the study's existence, not its indications) 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/foodanddrinknews/11567702/The-secret-to-a-longer-life-and-faster-metabolism-Eating-cheese.html

I know. It's the Telegraph. I are sorry. But it's in a cheesy cause. Remember, as Niccolo Machiavelli nearly said: "Never was anything great accomplished without dairy."

Budge It Cheese

This are the beginning of a short cereal I will be doing of cheeses that can be accrued at Supermarket deli counters, either on special offer or in a three for one type dealio, a type of bargain dairy triptych.

This time, I bought three offerings from the belly of ASDA, the Norse god of sorrow. One of the three was the Sevre & Belle Goat Cheese I did already favourably review on this very netblog. I did this as a matter of insurance against risk. However, two newcomers arrive to the table of my palate.

The first of these are this: ASDA Chosen By You Jerk Cheddar

This cheese were chosen by you. By You.

I hate you. I will never forgive you.

You and I are enemies now.

NOMENCLATURE MIS-THOUGHTS

First let us consider that name. Jerk Cheddar. Jerk. Cheddar.

Out of the contexts, this seems like a foul youthemism. Like some kind of ugly, lasciviously lactose laden lewdity.

Lewdity is now a word. You can serve it with crudités at naked parties.

GET BACK TANGENT GET BACK TO WHENCE THOU CAME THOU PESTILENT DISTRACTION

My fine protuberance is this: they should have considered the ramifications of the connotationals of this combination of words. Jerk Cheese or Jerk Cheddar is a problem to the ear. The cheese itself present many a problem further though, kingly, the oral problem.

FLAVE

I love the taste of jerk seasoning. Jerk chicken are one of those things inspired from God herself, a poultry scripture anointed with fire from heaven. It is hard for me to spake just how muchly my lusts for this Caribbean dish run rampant. One day this Blog Of Things What I Have Ate will include an entry of my humble attempts to service this cultural icon.

So consider my immediate and naïve happies at pressing my gaze on the packaging of this; a purported combination of two loves of mine, jerk seasoning and matured bovine solids.

Oh, woe. A fool, I was, a fool.

The cheese contains fruit as part of its recipe. This are usually an alarm bell with me. Fruit in a cheese can be done tolerably but by and huge, it suggestifies that the cheese isn’t that great starting out, and the solution thought up is to inject flavour in the form of lumps or shavings of some bulbous tree-borne seed-carrier or other.

I much prefer a cheese that are good, eaten with fruit that are good, rather than a cheese that is inferior, married to surplus vegetable matter.

TANGENT I DEFY YOU

The flavour is hard to describe, and that is the true true. The acid of the fruit is present, along with the thin and chemical heat of the chilli. There is no warmth or depth to the chilli flavour. Underneath it all are an overly salty cheddar, that are moist and slightly giving to the prod. Cheddar should not squelch.

This cheese is shit.

WHEN VIEWED

Orange and bespackled.

TO GOES WITH

My thinkings are that this cheese may spoil all good things. Isolate it. Quarantine it.

The only way I would consider using this cheese is melted down as a minor component in a burger, where other flavours may compensate. That been said, there are many udder alternatives that would be nicer in that role. Or roll. Whichever.

Pray for me, that the second cheese be not as Satan.   

I Are Back Like Arnold But With Cheese

 

Sorry for being away so long. Life had come between cheese and I, and thus I was absent from the webnets.

Today:

MONTAGNOLO AFFINE

!bellissimo!

A Place For Buy This Cheese

What a cracker! Only not a cracker, but cheese. People of the online world, I return to you with news of a cheese.

Molizza Filofax, Oprah, Googoo Crone, Intercourse Exploder, all browsers must bear witness. This are cheese. This be what the interknot is for!

TOPLOOK

Suffice it to say I have loved masticating this wedge of aged cow-squeeze.

Montagnolo is as Italian as adultery.* It be triple creamed. That's dairy-orgy-decadent. Think of a real, creamier-than-thou Brie, a proper uppity deli Brie, creamy as all fuck, but blue veined.

VISIONS! TEXTURE! TASTE!

In this respects it are similar in appearance to Cambazola, an production-line blue brie, often made in Bavaria for marketing reasons. Montagnolo Affine does a big creamy poo on Cambazola. It is rich, silky, and has the gentle, pervasive bite of a good blue cheese, only wrapped in NIRVANA. Not the mumble-core nineties band with the song about adolescent smells, but the Buddha one. Or something.

COLLABORATIONS

Almost anything that you like to orally ingest will work alongside this blessed cheese. Breads and crackers are basics, but you might also consider melting it on a fine beef burger, or small quantities in a bold, pragmatic lasagne, the type what has ambitions of becoming dictator of a small balkan state.

For the watchings, I would choose an easygoing culturally interesting flickerpic like The Last Samurai. No reason to overdo it with a full Kurosawa; no need for an actual classic or an art-house gasp, just bang something in the disc slit.

Music: anything on a scale from Leonard Cohen through to Babymetal

LATTERWORD

If blue veins in cheese put you off, you are failure.

I are glad to be bacK!

Blacksticks Blue

The Multi-Award-Winning Blacksticks Blue

The Lancastrian King of Blueness!

 

Image courtesy of ButlersLarder.co.uk - actually I didn't ask at all or that but it's basically free advertising

SEEING THE CHEESE AND SNIFFING IT A BIT, MAYBE A POKE

Blacksticks Blue resembles Stilton but are a soft orange in colour, with decent blue veining. That's a pleasant colour match, that.

Blacksticks isn't especially pungent, and it'll bring Stilton to mind on the nose, probably. It's softer than Stilton, though, with a creamier texture. You can squish it with a knife and spread it like, for sandwiches. Or on toast would be proper good. Oh, I have to try that. With Jalapeño, Lime and Coriander jam.

MMmm. Yes.

TASTE THE CHEESE

FULL FLAVOUR. Wine sometimes have like "full-bodied" written on it. Always makes me think of euphemised fat people - like myself, only I'm is not euphemised usually - anyways, this means that this cheese flavour is like well busomy. It's a buxom cheese, with big, rounded, mid-level flavours, blending tang and cream. It doesn't sing louder with any bit of its taste choir, they all hit the right level I reckon. A round taste rolls on for a bit, like a memory. Or in my case, like, a reminder.

To have some more.

WHAT MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH THE CHEESE

This cheese are kind of recognised as a proper good cheese. It has awards and everything. The Indiepedant, which are a newspaper* says it's number 7 in the top 10 British cheeses.

I think this cheese are very good. Good enough to be a Stilton understudy, but like a up-and-comer understudy. Conceivably you could make Stilton have nights off or go on holiday, and the Blacksticks Blue won't disappoint in its place. It are very creamy and would please cheese-eaters nicely just so long as they like blue cheese. And if they don't like blue cheese they're only sort of cheese-eaters anyway.

Robust flavours and creamy texture put this cheese on my personal top ten and also in my new favourite blue cheese category. Lancastrians done good.

* a "newspaper" is like a kind of tiny internet printed out on a thick kind of toilet paper, only made for a giant's arse

FRATERNISING OPTIONS

You can proper do this on its own, like in small pieces, in a lamplit room, with music on low. I won't judge you. I been there.

I reckon this cheese are pretty versatile. I would have it with grapes, to get that sweet and sharp cutting through the cream, or I'd team it with a good steak-mince burger. Cheese sauces would have a hefty flavour punch from the cheese fists of Blackstick Blue, too.

My best recommendation would be for a nice warm, fresh whole or multigrain bread. No need for butter, just bang a wedge of Bluesticks in it and munch that mother. Mmm. Peasanty bliss.

Drinkwise, get a peppery Shiraz or something with good smoke or oak - but not too much tannin would be my undereducated guess. You still want the fruit to present nice. Also a dark old ale like Woodforde's Norfolk Nog would wash it down beautyful.

Music: whatever you fancy really, though I will say it accompanied Jake Bugg very nicely.

OTHER KNOWINGS

Blacksticks Blue is cow cheese.
It is Artisanal. I hate that word, cos it combines the words "art" and "anal".


Next week, (or a week in the future, you don't own me) I will be doing a French cheese, and doing it HARD.



   

Taleggio D.O.P.

Welcome to another edition of Cheeses What I Have Ate!!!1!

TALEGGIO D.O.P. is a wonderful cheese.

It are an Italian type cheese, in the alpine tradition. That means that when it was originally made, preservation was right up their list of wants. You want to make food what won't kill you when you come to eat it later in the year.

THE LOOKS

 Taleggio has a dishonest hard rind, with a faintly orange colour. Inside though it is fairly soft, with a slight bounce and stretch. It has a proper smell, a strong but not nasty fragrance that reminds me of the head on a beer that's just turning.

THE EATS

To taste, there is a moderate creamy body under rich flavours of salt and beer. More proper like I should say it tastes yeasty, but I don't like that word much. Best way to describe it is as a kind of buttery mix of a well-flavoured wheat beer - like what the Germans make - and a touch of brine, like the salt on well-cooked bacon.

It makes me think of sunny mornings and fry-ups and also how much I love LOVE LoVE Cheese.

REFLECTIONS ON THE CHEESE

I reckon the aromatics of this cheese will put off some of the wimps, but for the ones that man/woman right up and get on in there, it is a reassuring surprise. The flavour is not that strong, mild to moderate, and there are no sharp or high flavours like what you get with the blues or the harder Italian cheeses.

BE NICE WITH

Fruity and natural sweet flavours would be proper lovely with this cheese. Jaffa Cakes work quite well as an accompaniment, though in general I think chocolate would overpower and not go right with it.

Soft fruits and dried fruits are going to be a winner. For drinks, an un-oaked Chardonnay wouldn't go badly. Or a beer with lots of grain flavour. Fullers Honey Dew would be BANG UP IT.

If you are going to watch something while consummating with this cheese, I would recommend something comforting but with strong performances, like Perks of Being a Wallflower or About a Boy.

Acceptable listening material would be anything on the spectrum where like Toto are at one end and Radiohead at the other end. Progressive rock with folk influences works... keep it fruity and sweet, but not too fruity or sweet.

GET IT IN YOUR NECKS you won't regret it. 

SO KNOW YOU KNOW THIS:

The D.O.P. means that it were made by proper Italians rather than fake Italians, or the wrong kind of Italians.