Budge It Cheese

This are the beginning of a short cereal I will be doing of cheeses that can be accrued at Supermarket deli counters, either on special offer or in a three for one type dealio, a type of bargain dairy triptych.

This time, I bought three offerings from the belly of ASDA, the Norse god of sorrow. One of the three was the Sevre & Belle Goat Cheese I did already favourably review on this very netblog. I did this as a matter of insurance against risk. However, two newcomers arrive to the table of my palate.

The first of these are this: ASDA Chosen By You Jerk Cheddar

This cheese were chosen by you. By You.

I hate you. I will never forgive you.

You and I are enemies now.

NOMENCLATURE MIS-THOUGHTS

First let us consider that name. Jerk Cheddar. Jerk. Cheddar.

Out of the contexts, this seems like a foul youthemism. Like some kind of ugly, lasciviously lactose laden lewdity.

Lewdity is now a word. You can serve it with crudités at naked parties.

GET BACK TANGENT GET BACK TO WHENCE THOU CAME THOU PESTILENT DISTRACTION

My fine protuberance is this: they should have considered the ramifications of the connotationals of this combination of words. Jerk Cheese or Jerk Cheddar is a problem to the ear. The cheese itself present many a problem further though, kingly, the oral problem.

FLAVE

I love the taste of jerk seasoning. Jerk chicken are one of those things inspired from God herself, a poultry scripture anointed with fire from heaven. It is hard for me to spake just how muchly my lusts for this Caribbean dish run rampant. One day this Blog Of Things What I Have Ate will include an entry of my humble attempts to service this cultural icon.

So consider my immediate and naïve happies at pressing my gaze on the packaging of this; a purported combination of two loves of mine, jerk seasoning and matured bovine solids.

Oh, woe. A fool, I was, a fool.

The cheese contains fruit as part of its recipe. This are usually an alarm bell with me. Fruit in a cheese can be done tolerably but by and huge, it suggestifies that the cheese isn’t that great starting out, and the solution thought up is to inject flavour in the form of lumps or shavings of some bulbous tree-borne seed-carrier or other.

I much prefer a cheese that are good, eaten with fruit that are good, rather than a cheese that is inferior, married to surplus vegetable matter.

TANGENT I DEFY YOU

The flavour is hard to describe, and that is the true true. The acid of the fruit is present, along with the thin and chemical heat of the chilli. There is no warmth or depth to the chilli flavour. Underneath it all are an overly salty cheddar, that are moist and slightly giving to the prod. Cheddar should not squelch.

This cheese is shit.

WHEN VIEWED

Orange and bespackled.

TO GOES WITH

My thinkings are that this cheese may spoil all good things. Isolate it. Quarantine it.

The only way I would consider using this cheese is melted down as a minor component in a burger, where other flavours may compensate. That been said, there are many udder alternatives that would be nicer in that role. Or roll. Whichever.

Pray for me, that the second cheese be not as Satan.