This are the beginning of a short cereal I will be doing of
cheeses that can be accrued at Supermarket deli counters, either on special
offer or in a three for one type dealio, a type of bargain dairy triptych.
This time, I bought three offerings from the belly of ASDA,
the Norse god of sorrow. One of the three was the Sevre & Belle Goat Cheese I
did already favourably review on this very netblog. I did this as a matter of
insurance against risk. However, two newcomers arrive to the table of my
palate.
The first of these are this: ASDA Chosen By You Jerk Cheddar
This cheese were chosen by you. By You.
I hate you. I will never forgive you.
You and I are enemies now.
NOMENCLATURE MIS-THOUGHTS
First let us consider that name. Jerk Cheddar. Jerk.
Cheddar.
Out of the contexts, this seems like a foul youthemism. Like
some kind of ugly, lasciviously lactose laden lewdity.
Lewdity is now a word. You can serve it with crudités at
naked parties.
GET BACK TANGENT GET BACK TO WHENCE THOU CAME THOU PESTILENT
DISTRACTION
My fine protuberance is this: they should have considered
the ramifications of the connotationals of this combination of words. Jerk Cheese
or Jerk Cheddar is a problem to the ear. The cheese itself present many a
problem further though, kingly, the oral problem.
FLAVE
I love the taste of jerk seasoning. Jerk chicken are one of
those things inspired from God herself, a poultry scripture anointed with fire
from heaven. It is hard for me to spake just how muchly my lusts for this
Caribbean dish run rampant. One day this Blog Of Things What I Have Ate will
include an entry of my humble attempts to service this cultural icon.
So consider my immediate and naïve happies at pressing my
gaze on the packaging of this; a purported combination of two loves of mine,
jerk seasoning and matured bovine solids.
Oh, woe. A fool, I was, a fool.
The cheese contains fruit as part of its recipe. This are
usually an alarm bell with me. Fruit in a cheese can be done tolerably but by
and huge, it suggestifies that the cheese isn’t that great starting out, and
the solution thought up is to inject flavour in the form of lumps or shavings
of some bulbous tree-borne seed-carrier or other.
I much prefer a cheese that are good, eaten with fruit that
are good, rather than a cheese that is inferior, married to surplus vegetable matter.
TANGENT I DEFY YOU
The flavour is hard to describe, and that is the true true. The
acid of the fruit is present, along with the thin and chemical heat of the chilli.
There is no warmth or depth to the chilli flavour. Underneath it all are an
overly salty cheddar, that are moist and slightly giving to the prod. Cheddar
should not squelch.
This cheese is shit.
WHEN VIEWED
Orange and bespackled.
TO GOES WITH
My thinkings are that this cheese may spoil all good things. Isolate it. Quarantine it.
The only way I would consider using this cheese is melted
down as a minor component in a burger, where other flavours may compensate.
That been said, there are many udder alternatives that would be nicer in that
role. Or roll. Whichever.
Pray for me, that the second cheese be not as Satan.
